Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Kayla


Last week I had the privilege of interviewing an incredible 12 year old girl named Kayla.  Kayla, to me, is your typical pre-teenaged girl.  She struggles with accepting herself as the beautiful woman she is, and she’s been hurt by people she thought were her friends.  As I sat there learning about Kayla, about the fantastic artist she is, the exceptional writer, the amazing softball player, I was so proud of the woman she’s becoming at such a young age.  But, in between the lines there was so much hurt, so much pain… so much fear and discontentment.  I listened to her mother talk about how Kayla is a follower and has such low self-esteem.  It broke my heart to hear Kayla’s biggest fan describe her in that way.  What about the beautiful poem she wrote and the talented singer and piano player she is?  I only pray that her mother will lift her up and encourage her to become proficient in all these areas she’s interested in because I know how easy it is for a 12 year old girl to get discouraged and forget all the things she excels at.  I know because I was that 12 year old girl.
As an adult my mother has always mentioned that I was the best fifth kid to have.  She’s shared with me that she loved that I was so great at playing independently, always being able to entertain myself.  I didn’t need others around to be happy, I just needed my imagination.  Somewhere down the line that little girl who was self-assured and content was destroyed.  And as I look back on my life, I’d say it happened for me about the same age that Kayla is now.  Having to deal with friends doing hurtful things, boys rejecting you, daily feeling that you’ll never be as pretty as the popular girl… it wears on a girl who is sensitive, even the independent ones.  As I was meeting with Kayla I wanted so badly to be able to reassure her that everything would be fine once she got out of middle school, that everyone would mature and things would get easier.  But the truth is, I think things just get harder… they have for me it’s seemed.  I remember nights throughout high school and college, lying in bed in tears because a friendship had changed.  To this day I oftentimes feel lonely and take things so personally when there are difficulties in relationships.  As I sat there wanting to give her advice, all I could think about was how I wish I were still the 4 year old girl sitting at home in my living room playing with Barbie… content and unharmed. 
I’ve realized lately how much I let other people control my emotions.  It’s taken me 12 years to realize this, but it’s finally setting in.  How my relationships are going directly effects my mood.  I’ve been feeling pretty convicted of this truth recently, realizing that my happiness should not be found in people, but in my Heavenly Father.  Scripture makes it very clear to us that if we put our faith in men, we will be let down.  Psalm 118:8 says, “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in people.”  And it can later be found in Micah that we can’t even trust our spouses and closest friends (7:5), but that only the Lord can save us and hear our deepest cries (7:7).  No, all of this does not mean that we should not have earthly relationships, God created us for companionship, but He also created us to have a personal relationship with Him.  Our goal here on earth is not to build solid human relationships, but our goal is to glorify Him and excitedly anticipate eternity at Home with our Savior.  Therefore, my emotions should not be directly related to how someone is treating me, but rather should be directly related to the One who forgives, cleanses and comforts me. 
My prayer is that Kayla will find her self-worth and confidence in Jesus, not in her friends, boys, or even her mother.  I pray for all the 12 year old Kaylas out there… all the 24 year old Kaylas out there… all the 60 year old Kaylas out there.  All the women like me who have never grown out of the middle school blues… We must remember that we have a best friend who will never let us down.  Ever.