Last week I had the privilege of interviewing an incredible
12 year old girl named Kayla. Kayla, to me, is your typical pre-teenaged
girl. She struggles with accepting
herself as the beautiful woman she is, and she’s been hurt by people she
thought were her friends. As I sat there
learning about Kayla, about the fantastic artist she is, the exceptional
writer, the amazing softball player, I was so proud of the woman she’s becoming
at such a young age. But, in between the
lines there was so much hurt, so much pain… so much fear and
discontentment. I listened to her mother
talk about how Kayla is a follower and has such low self-esteem. It broke my heart to hear Kayla’s biggest fan
describe her in that way. What about the
beautiful poem she wrote and the talented singer and piano player she is? I only pray that her mother will lift her up
and encourage her to become proficient in all these areas she’s interested in
because I know how easy it is for a 12 year old girl to get discouraged and
forget all the things she excels at. I
know because I was that 12 year old girl.
As an adult my mother has always mentioned that I was the
best fifth kid to have. She’s shared
with me that she loved that I was so great at playing independently, always
being able to entertain myself. I didn’t
need others around to be happy, I just needed my imagination. Somewhere down the line that little girl who
was self-assured and content was destroyed.
And as I look back on my life, I’d say it happened for me about the same
age that Kayla is now. Having to deal
with friends doing hurtful things, boys rejecting you, daily feeling that
you’ll never be as pretty as the popular girl… it wears on a girl who is
sensitive, even the independent ones. As
I was meeting with Kayla I wanted so badly to be able to reassure her that
everything would be fine once she got out of middle school, that everyone would
mature and things would get easier. But
the truth is, I think things just get harder… they have for me it’s
seemed. I remember nights throughout
high school and college, lying in bed in tears because a friendship had
changed. To this day I oftentimes feel
lonely and take things so personally when there are difficulties in
relationships. As I sat there wanting to
give her advice, all I could think about was how I wish I were still the 4 year
old girl sitting at home in my living room playing with Barbie… content and
unharmed.
I’ve realized lately how much I let other people control my
emotions. It’s taken me 12 years to
realize this, but it’s finally setting in.
How my relationships are going directly effects my mood. I’ve been feeling pretty convicted of this
truth recently, realizing that my happiness should not be found in people, but
in my Heavenly Father. Scripture makes it
very clear to us that if we put our faith in men, we will be let down. Psalm 118:8 says, “It is better to trust in
the Lord than to put confidence in people.”
And it can later be found in Micah that we can’t even trust our spouses
and closest friends (7:5), but that only the Lord can save us and hear our
deepest cries (7:7). No, all of this
does not mean that we should not have earthly relationships, God created us for
companionship, but He also created us to have a personal relationship with
Him. Our goal here on earth is not to
build solid human relationships, but our goal is to glorify Him and excitedly
anticipate eternity at Home with our Savior.
Therefore, my emotions should not be directly related to how someone is
treating me, but rather should be directly related to the One who forgives,
cleanses and comforts me.
My prayer is that Kayla will find her self-worth and
confidence in Jesus, not in her friends, boys, or even her mother. I pray for all the 12 year old Kaylas out
there… all the 24 year old Kaylas out there… all the 60 year old Kaylas out
there. All the women like me who have
never grown out of the middle school blues… We must remember that we have a
best friend who will never let us down.
Ever.