Sunburnt.

I've literally had the best couple of weeks! I have been surrounded by family, have had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, and have met new people. I've spent days lying by the pool, wading in the water, and basking in the sunshine (maybe a little too long)! I don't know if the smile that is on my face right now can be erased.

Summer finally got here, and I'm so glad I let it happen! For so long I was in a dark (or maybe dimly lit) place, and while I understand there will be times when I get a little gloomy, I know that right now I have found some peace in my life that has set me free. There comes a time when you have to let go of the baggage you've been lugging around, and simply put on a swim suit and dive in... or better yet, burn all the memories in a bonfire :)

I couldn't be happier with the friendships I have right now, and I'm thankful for all the people who have made my life wonderful! I was thinking about who I would have as bridesmaids in my wedding if I were to get married right now (so many of my friends are getting married so it crosses my mind from time to time) and there were just so many beautiful and inspiring ladies in my life to choose from... I think I'm going to end up with about 20 attendants on my side alone. I sure hope my husband (whoever he is) has just as many supportive men in his life!

Well, I think I'm done ranting about how great things have been for me lately... I better go lather myself in aloe and get to wasting the rest of my 3 day weekend just lounging and relaxing. Life really isn't so bad. Thank you God for reminding me of that!

Sweet Summertime

It's been quite some time since I have blessed all of my readers with the wonderful thoughts from my head and heart, so since I have a moment, I'll just jot something quickly. There isn't too much weighing on my heart for once, so this blog may not be as interesting as some of the others, or perhaps it will be more???

It is now summer, and kind of has been for about a month. Now that I'm a real grown up with a career, I have kind of forgotten what all summer really consists of. Instead of filling my day with fun activities outdoors, I have been sitting at a desk making matches and writing case notes. Summer just isn't the same.

But, that could change, if I'm willing to let it. Now that I am aware that it's actually summer, July just a few days away, evening walks and weekends spent on the lake or in the park don't seem like such a bad idea. I need to remember to keep a little bit of my inner child. Anyone have any camping trips planned!?!?!?!?

Today it begins, a family dinner at Grandma's. That's what summers are all about for me. Family. Camping, the corn roast, the family reunion,fairs, fireworks, lake days, tanning on a towle, Elle's visit, EVERYONE's birthday. This is the life.

AND, to make this summer even greater, Kristin and I will be climbing on a jet plane heading out west to get into some trouble with our third partner in crime. Arizona and time with my two favorite cousins is all I day dream about these days (that and this cute boy I have a crush on!), and I cannot wait until August 6th!

Well, off to Grandma's... Kris and I have to buy our tickets before all the delicious food gets gobbled up!

Dear Friend,

Dear Friend,
I know your heart has been hurt, and that sometimes your struggle is too much to bear. I am sorry that you've had the one thing you've always dreamed of stripped away from you, and have had to sit back (twice now) and watch it unfold for another beautiful daughter of God.
I am sorry that you have put so much faith and hope in someone, only to see him let you down. I am sorry that you're hurting from the mistakes you've made, and that you also bear much of the burden of the mistakes others have made unto you.
I know there are holes in your heart where there was once love from another, love from a trusted friend. I know there are bruises on your soul from the harsh words of another woman who said things out of jealousy and anger. I know these things hurt, and I'm so sorry that you have to endure it.
But dear friend, your strength is admirable. Despite the broken, bruised, and wounded heart you possess, you want nothing more than to continue to show love. I see that your scared. Scared of love, and scared of living life alone. I pray for the day when your walls come down and you find standing on the other side the incredible man that God has had waiting for you the entire time.
Your passion for life and for Christ is beautiful. While others around you are trying so hard to figure things out on their own, and are trying to find comfort in whoever may come along next, you know that true love is real, and you are courageous enough to wait for it. I admire your will power to follow the Lord, and to consult with Him about every area of your life. It is beautiful that you recognize that you have faults just like everyone else, and that you still have some changes that need to be made before you are prepared for your next stage of life.
I know you often struggle with the "what if's" and you are not always patient in waiting for what your heart desires, but I see inside of you the faith that God will bring you through this dark hour, and in the morning there will be joy and celebration!
Thank you for setting an example to others on how to live passionately for God. You are never fake, and you have no problem admitting when you've slip up, but in all you do, you work to include your Father and ask Him to redirect your paths.
Friend, you will be loved. You already are. Please don't let those blessings go unnoticed, and being the incredible woman that you are, I believe that you realize how beautiful your life truly is, even with all of the pain you've experienced.
Thank you for being a good friend to me. Thank you for loving and caring about me when you often just feel like giving up. You are an inspiration.

Sincerely,
Your Friend.

Faithful 'til the End

My freshman year in High School I started to go to church with my two beautiful cousins, and not long after that, I realized what I was missing out on and gave my life to Christ. That was nine years ago… Wow. In those nine years I have had many experiences that have taught me vital life lessons, and with the help of Christ, have become the woman I am today. Even with all of those experiences and lessons, I never mastered one important concept (however, when it comes to God, I am not really sure if there is such thing as mastering anything!).
Faith has been a difficult thing for me. Intellectually I have understood what it means to have faith, and I get all the ideals surrounding it. I have always believed that God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him, and that taking a step out on faith is one of the most courageous and beautiful things you can do to show your commitment to Christ. And, there have been plenty of times I’ve told my friends, “You just have to have faith that God will provide.” I get the concept, but I would be a liar to say that I live it out. You know the scripture faith the size of a mustard seed” (Luke 17:6)?... Well, I have held on to that verse for dear life. I will admit it; I have been a woman of little faith when it comes to my own life. For whatever reason, perhaps low self-esteem or personal situations that have occurred in my life making me feel this way, sometimes I feel like maybe I do not deserve to prosper. Maybe God’s intentions for me are to struggle… always. What a ridiculous thought! My God is good, and He LOVES me, why in the world would He want me to continuously struggle? But, when I do not get what I want, or things go sour for me, that is exactly what I feel, thus my faith is diminished.
But, for once in my nine years of LIFE, I think I am starting to get it a little bit. No, I still do not have it mastered, but I am beginning to truly believe that God has something beautiful in store for me, and that I am going to be happy. My pastor at church has gone over the topic of faith for the past month now, and only God can understand how much I have learned and grown from the sermons, and how much my life has been impacted.
I hope you are as inspired to lean on God as I have been by these scriptures.
*Hebrews 11:1- What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.
*2 Timothy 4:7-8- I have fought a good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me-the crown of righteousness that the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that great day of return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his glorious return.
*2 Corinthians 4:16-18- That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.
*Revelation 2:10- Don’t be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The Devil will throw some of you into prison and put you to the test. You will be persecuted for ten days. Remain faithful even when facing death, and I will give you the crown of life.
*Hebrews 11:6- So, you see, it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God without faith.
It is a beautiful thing when you are able to find encouragement in a temporarily difficult spot in life. The pastor brought up the idea of “childlike faith”, something I’ve heard often. Children trust their parents to feed them, clothe them, and care for them. Until that trust has been broken, they continue to reach out for their help when they need it. God has not broken my trust, and while He’s taken things from me that I wanted badly, just like any good father, He did it to teach me a lesson. Perhaps it is time for me to start trusting God as a three year old trusts her daddy… when He tosses me in the air, He will catch me as I come back down.

A Day Off

So, I failed again last night. I went to bed without doing my devotions! But, because God works in such great ways, I have been blessed with another beautiful morning to sit on the balcony and do them in the sunshine. I've been blessed with the opportunity to take things slowly, and just mull over my thoughts and feelings. What a wonderful opportunity!

I had a dream last night that my dad called into work so that he could mow the lawn. I’ve been talking for weeks about calling into work and just enjoying the day, but I just never do it – there’s always work to be done. My dad was always so good at not letting work consume him. I remember her would call in when we had snow days so he could “sit home with the kids”… We were in high school. He knew how to enjoy life in his simple kind of way, the way I never do because I let fear, worry, and guilt get in the way of simply just enjoying the sunshine in the middle of the week.

I really feel my dad’s presence in my life right now. Not a day goes by that I do not think about him, but I have noticed that I’ve been talking about him more lately, or hearing more about other’s thoughts. Elle had a dream last week that my dad, my Uncle Larry (her father), and my Great-Grandma Struble were all at a family dinner at my grandparents house. Elle was the only one that could see or talk to our angels, and she had the blessing of hearing my dad say that he wanted to go hunting, but needed to wait for the bean soup to be done first! Danny’s mentioned that he thinks of my dad while he mows the lawn. And my mom recently shared with me that Kaelyn will hug the tree we have planted in the backyard in his memory – that’s only tree she hugs. I wonder sometimes what he’d think of all of us if he were still here. I like to think he would be prouder than ever.

If I Wrote a Book...

For many years I have been told that I am a great writer. It seems like every time I write someone a nice letter they dote over me. "You have a gift, Alison!", they say... Or the most common, "Do not let that talent go to waste!" I've been asked by many if I have ever thought about writing a novel, and to that I ususally just laugh nervously and simply say 'thank you.' While writing is an escape for me, and something I enjoy greatly, it is definitely not something I could see doing for any other purpose than simply expressing my thoughts.

Today I started thinking about what I would write about if by some freak of nature I would write a book... And, given that I lack much imagination, my novel would most likely be something very personal.

Therefore, my novel would be a mess of emotion; something all women my age could relate it. It would be filled with heartbreak, with laughter, with tears, with smiles; each and every page would take readers on an emotional rollercoaster, since my life is full of ups and downs. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I have the ability to go from having an incredible time trying on teeny tiny dresses with a good friend, to driving home with tears streaming down my face... all within 10 minutes. Therefore the paragraphs in my novel would be so contrasting. I would go from having a sentence full of exclamation and capitalized words, to that full of heavy, gloomy words. My book would be a mess. A publisher's worst nightware.

But, my book would be a young woman's haven. While I feel so alone much of the time, as if no one in the world knows what I deal with on a daily basis, the reality is that I am among the majority. There are millions of beautiful women out there just like me who are longing for companionship, uncertain of where life is going to take them, and feeling as though they are just floating through each day. The majority of us are sitting around thinking that EVERYONE is getting married and having children, and that we are going to end up as old cat ladies. WE ARE THE MAJORITY... those with husbands, fiances, and children are actually the minority.

So while my book may be full of mood swings and exaggerated thoughts and emotions, it would be a top seller because so many women my age could relate to it. Perhaps it would be a comfort to others to read my thoughts... to see in black and white that there are others out there just like them that are longing for something more, who can be very down and depressed at times, and at all the while searching for the next comforting moment to pass the time (because ladies, there are great blessings out there).

PLC (Positive Life Changes)

It's hard to let go of things that you desperately want to hold on to. There are things in your life that you cannot control, no matter how much you may want to. Even though you think you have it all figured out, and that your way is the RIGHT way, God always has another idea. At some point you have to let go a little, and simply let God do His thing.
I have always been a control freak. Ask my closest friends and family, they will all atest to it. I'm the kind of girl who would rather take on the stress of making things perfect (according to my ideas) than to relax a little and let someone else help. How terrible of me to think that my ideas and my ways of life are better than someone elses. How terrible of me to think that I can play God.
Well, God's really been revealing to me that I can't be in control any longer. Now is the time to truly let go of all the desires and longings that break me down and wear me out and to simply live my life for Him.
He will provide for those who are faithful to Him. Daily I will remind myself of this. Daily I will pick up my cross and lay my burdens at His feet. Daily I will make an effort to make this world a better place in the name of Christ. Daily I will make an effort to simply be blessed by the blessings around me.
I have a choice each day to focus on the things that I want that I do not have or to be thankful for the gifts and opportunities I've been given. No, this isn't what I would have planned for myself, but I know without a doubt that what God has planned for me is better than what I had in store for myself. I have the choice to look at life positively, and that is what I am going to do. What we choose to focus on effects our feelings-and I know I'm sick of feeling down and depressed.
What a refreshing weekend this has been. I've been given the opportunity to chase after things I've always wanted to explore... Thank you Jesus for reminding me not to waste my days.