Second Chances

I'm no expert on love, I'm just a regular 22 year old girl searching for the one God has in store for her, and trying to mend a broken heart.

Love. There's no way around it. We all think about it all the time. Whether we've found "the one" and constantly think of him. You know, the 8 hours while he's at work are just miserable... Or we're out there mindlessly wandering around wondering if the next guy we pass on the streets will be in awe of you. Love. It's supposed to be one of the most magical, positive feelings on this earth, but really, it can make you crazy. Hitting, screaming, yelling... Love can take the sweetest of girls and turn them into Satan's right hand woman. What happened? How did we get to the point where love is no longer the patient, kind, forgiving entity it once was?

Sin. That's what happened. Human selfishness has gotten in the way and corrupted what love should truly be. No longer are couples committing to each other 100% mind, body, and soul, but they are choosing to give only what they want to give. In this world we have a 50% divorce rate. So many people look at the here and now rather than forever. Relationships shouldn't be about what you can get out of them, but what you can give to the other. Unfortunately, that's not what we get.

People make their mistakes though, and who am I to judge? So, in the name of love do we give them another shot? This is a tough topic, and everyone "knows" what they would do until they are given the choice to give someone another chance. I gave someone a second chance, and to be honest, nothing was different. Aren't second chances about rectifying what was wrong the first time, giving 100%? Or, maybe second chances are just an interim until you're on to the next love, until you truly find love?

I've been hurt. I know some will say, "It's your own fault! Could have told you it would end poorly," but this is what I can say with 110% certainty about my experience with second chances: I gave MY all. Someone had done me wrong, left me broken for months and months, and when he came back into my life, I instantly fell. I gave my all. I tried so hard to make it work. But, he didn't. He misused his second chance.

So, to the one person in the world who may be reading this post tonight, I leave you with this prayer: If someone is kind enough to give you another chance, do all you can to do right by him or her. At that point, you have to give 100,000%. It's not easy, but chances are, if they are willing to give you another chance after you've messed up, then they are worth the hard work you'll have to put in to prove to them you won't make the same mistake.

Heart

I'm sitting here alone on a Saturday night watching The Notebook. What greater movie to watch when you're lovesick and dreaming of a fairy tale romance? Not. It just makes you feel worse- more lonely.
I've struggled so long with not having that romantic, head over heels, kind of love. The story book romance they could make into a movie. My problem is that I've watched too many movies like The Notebook. Every day I wake up thinking, "maybe this will be the day my prince charming reveals himself." But, every day I'm brought back to reality. Now is just not my time.
Today my family laid my Uncle Tiny to rest. As I sat there hearing everyone share their stories of this teeny man with a big heart and a beautiful grin, I couldn't help but think of what my funeral will be like. Will I have a husband standing there next to my coffin, heartbroken by his loss? Or, will the room be filled with all my family who never left my side? I know I'm only 22, but with each day I realize more and more that maybe I will never marry... maybe that's not what God has planned for me. BUT, what God does have planned for me, and has already given me, is a beautiful family who I know I will always be able to depend on.
I've had a lot of heart break from friends and a man, but my family has never let me down. So, who says that man standing next to my coffin has to be my husband, maybe he'll be my brother...my cousin...my nephew... who knows. I do know that whoever it is will truly love me and will do all that is in his power to ensure he never hurts me or causes me heartbreak.
That is what love is.

Love is an action we must choose to do everyday

Valentine's Day. Ugh. SO many thoughts around this one simple day of the year. Being the romantic person I am, it's difficult for me to live out the things I tell myself every year. Each year when Valentine's rolls around, I begin preparing myself. I tell myself it's a day about love; and that means loving everyone. I look up in my Bible verses like 1 John 4:18, "We love because He first loved us," and I do really well until it hits me that I'm not going to get the flowers and candlelight shebang that the fairy tale girl in me always dreams of.

But, what I do always get are good 'ole life lessons. It gets really frustrating at times that my life can't be the simple love story that I've always wanted. I try so hard, yet it is never what I've dreamed up, and I'm beginning to understand that I'm not going to get my fairy tale dreams because that isn't the Love Story God has written for me-for right now at least.

So, another Valentine's Day dead and gone... No, I didn't get 100,000,000 long stem roses, but I did get to spend the day with someone who means a lot to me, and I'm thankful for the hamburger helper dinner, Valentine's Day viewing, and cheesecake eating and wine drinking (while watching the East v. West All Star Basketball game). It may not be what I hoped of in my crazy unrealistic head, but it's the beautiful day I was blessed with by my Father whom I LOVE with all my heart.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

My Life Is Exciting...If I Make it That Way

I've been sitting here reading other people's blogs. They write about fashion; what's hot? what's not? They write about yummy recipes they've been trying and how they're satisfying their hubby's taste buds. They write about books they are delving into, and their lives are being impacted by the words scripted on white pages... My life, well, it's not exciting. I work. I come home. I watch re-runs of Cash Cab and wait for shows like the Bachelor or American Idol to finish so that I can crawl into my twin size bed. So boring; so mundane. But is that really how it is???
I was recently hired as the Community Based Match Specialist at Big Brothers Big Sisters of Jackson County--the job I'd been waiting for. My life is already being touched, and it's only been a month! I made my first match yesterday! Bill and Dalton. Dalton couldn't have been happier to see his Big Brother for the first time! He litearly was beaming with excitement as we sat in his living room signing papers to make everything official. What a blessing it was to be a part of this special moment in Bill and Dalton's life. I cannot wait to see the impact I'll make in the months to come!

Lazy Sundays lead to Wandering Minds...

It's cold and cloudy, very unusual for an August afternoon, but it is Michigan so what more can we expect? What's also very unusual is the fact that I have a Sunday off. One that I didn't ask for, but was just granted to me. Maybe I've been top Dietary Aide at CRC lately or something and this is my reward...yeah right, we're not positively rewarded for our actions there...
But, what else would I do with this cloudy, no-work-to-do Sunday afternoon but read? Silly me, I've dug into a romantic story by Nicholas Sparks...oh why do I do this to myself? I always just find myself wishing and dreaming that my life will turn into this romantic mess that others will be jealous of, but who am I kidding, I'm just me, right???
This year I have been to six weddings. My friends are getting hitched, engaged, or in serious relationships and are therefore on the brink of getting proposed to...and here I am, the single one who was expected to be the first wed. What happened to my romantic love story?
The truth is, though, I have complete faith that my love story is still in the process of being written. People look at how things ended with Jamar and wonder how I could ever forgive him and talk to him again, but let me ask you...what love story have you ever read that has been 100% perfect with no heartbreak and no huge obstacle? I've never read one, and believe me, I've read MANY.
So, people can have their thoughts and think that what I'm doing is foolish (and it may be, we will see), but maybe I'm just having a little faith in love. God is writing my love story, this I am confident in, and when it all comes together it will be near perfect, but me and my husband (whoever he may be) are not, therefore it will be hard at times, and when it is, I pray that my friends and family are wise enough to understand that sometimes I won't be treated like the queen...sometimes you don't treat me like the queen, either.
There is a love story for me. It did not end in October, but perhaps hit it's climax.

Starting out...

So here I am...sitting in my apartment watching a Tiger's game. Yeah, I will support Detroit teams (and will admit that men in tight pants are very attractive), but I must say that I'm not an enthusiast and would much rather be doing something else with my night..
But, I guess that's kind of how my life is right now. Recently done with college and still working at the same job I've had since high school. It's kind of a depressing thought. I (like many others, I'm sure) always thought that I'd get done with college, have that piece of paper that says I'm smarter than the average Joe, and then land some great job helping the hurting people of the world. Instead, I'm serving jello to demanding old people who bring me to tears.
I suppose I should just make the best of what God has given me right now, because my life really is an incredible blessing. This year and all the unfortunate (but maybe secretly fortunate) things that have occured have brought me to a good place in life. No, I may not have the dream job I've always wanted, the ring on my finger that everyone thought I'd have, or a place all to my own...but I am a lot more certain of who the real Alison is...or at least I'm getting more and more clarity with every day that passes.
Today I saw Julie & Julia. A hilariously funny movie that really got me thinking that maybe we can learn a lot about ourselves by being forced to read our own thoughts. I've always been a journaler, but knowing this time in my life is a unique time that I won't experience again, I thought maybe it'd be cool to put my adventures out there for others to read as well (because I'm sure my life isn't that much different than many post grads).