1 Corinthians 13:2-3

1 Corinthians 13:2-3 (NLT) states: "If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing."
We have nothing without love.
As I was making my dinner tonight, I came to the realization that my life right now is a lot like that of Jennifer Lopez's character in The Wedding Planner (prior to almost getting run over by a large dumpster and falling in love with Matthew McConaughey). She works long hours each day, putting a great deal of effort into making the lives of others more enjoyable; only to come home to her maticulously clean apartment to watch reruns of the Antique Roadshow. Each day she watches as couples in love plan their weddings and say their vows, and each day she is reminded of how that is missing in her life.
While I am no wedding planner, I am a match maker. No I do not hook up men and women and watch them fall passionately in love with one another, but I do get the opportunity to watch as two people grow to be comfortable with one another and begin building a lifelong bond. I am reminded each day of how that is missing in my life.
The Word says that if we do not love, we have nothing. I know that loving does not have to mean a husband and a family, but for me, those desires are great. Because of that, and because of my daily reminder of how glorious life can be when two people fall in love (in a sense), I believe that my God will provide.

I will wait.

I had a Match Meeting in Spring Arbor today. So, I drove out there just like I drive to Brooklynn, Grass Lake, or Francis St. I drove out there to bring two wonderful individuals together so that they could be blessed by one another. And, that's exactly what I did. I made another great match. BUT... Turns out my trip to Spring Arbor impacted me a little more than my other travels around Jackson County.

I haven't really been to Spring Arbor since graduation. A couple times here and there to visit my old roommate, but never was I impacted by the campus, by the small village... by the park and all the memories like I was this time.

Spring Arbor is where I fell in love. Lying in the park star gazing for hours and hours and talking about our families and the past. Countless hours in Ormston and Village D. Sitting hand in hand in chapel. It was there that I realized I have the ability to care for another, and to share my story and my life with someone else. What a beautiful lesson to learn.

Spring Arbor is also where my heart was broken... many times by many different people. It's crazy how much we let others impact our lives. Just one word, one look, can be misread and your whole day (or month) can be affected. It's silly how we let others do that to us.

My life is very much different now than it was a year ago when I was an SAU student. My days were filled with friends and school work. Hours in the gym, and hours watching the Bachelor and One Tree Hill. While none of my interests have changed, I now have a job where I am needed, and I get to be a part of beautiful and hard times in people's lives. Yet, I long to be back in school. To have those friendships and to do all the silly things we used to do. The meaningless things that today mean the world to me when I think about them.

I miss my friends. I do. I feel really lonely, which is ironic since I'm surrounded by people everyday. I'm a Social Worker... It's my job to spend time with people and talk to them. Yet, I feel like I'm lacking true intimate relationships in my life.

I spoke to my mom last night for a really long time. She's such a wise woman. We talked about how things are different now, and therefore all the friendships I had in college will not be like they are today. We all have our own lives now. And, as much as I feel like everyone has their own life and I don't, I do. My life is busy and full of appointments, just like everyone else. Once I get settled into this chapter of my life, everything will fall back into place. There will be comfort and familiarity again (probably in a new form), I just have to have patience as God settles me. Unfortunately I always want God do to things a little faster than He does!

It's a rut I'm in, but I cannot lose faith. I sat here tonight and watched the sky turn all sorts of beautiful colors. Purples, blues, pinks, oranges. Only God can paint that beautiful of a picture. He knows the number of hairs on my head... He knows the plans He has for me.

I will worship while I wait to see them played out.

No Escaping the Inevitable

Tomorrow is not promised to us, yet we all live life like it is. We busy ourselves with work, with friends, we plan, plan, plan. I'm the biggest planner of them all. There's security in knowing that there is an event coming up, an old friend to visit with, or an anniversary to look forward to. But, what if we don't make it to that date we're so longing for? That is a possibility that we often over look, and because of that, we often over look the beauties of each moment because we're so concentrated on making that one event in the future so incredible, so memorable. What if this moment was your last, though? Then what? Would you be content with who you were at that point in your life? Would your last moment in life be something worth remembering?
The ideas of death have been present in my mind for the past couple of days now. After learning about the death of a 26 year old Jackson Police officer, it really struck me that just because I'm young, just because I have so many dreams, just because I feel like my life isn't complete, doesn't mean that my God isn't ready for me to go Home yet. Again I think to the police officer... Perhaps he put his life on the line with the profession he chose, he had it coming...? Then I think to my situation. I go into the homes of complete strangers multiple times a week. I could be somebody's vicitim. And, even if you're sitting at a desk all day crunching numbers, you can never be too certain, too secure. Dates on a calendar don't seem to matter much when you're faced with death.
In the book I'm reading right now ("The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks), the young girl's father is dying of cancer. I was her once. I lost my father at age 17, just like she is. And, just like I did she's struggling with regret, wishing she could get time back so that she could have more memories with her dad. But, time is tricky like that... We can plan what we do with it, but once we make that plan, the second is gone, you can't rewind. While we may wish we could go back in time, make things better somehow, we must accept the fact that God had a plan, and like He promises, He will fulfill His plans. But what does that mean for us? Not much really... The only thing we can do is find peace within ourselves for the decisions we made with the freedom God gave us.
With all these thoughts about death streaming through my mind, of course the idea crossed my mind, "What if I were to die? Would I be happy with who I was?". The truth is, probably not. Right now I'm so focused on things that are meaningless. Hurts that I'm holding on to for whatever reason, hurts that make it impossible for me to enjoy the birds chirping or the sun shining through my window in the morning. There is beauty in my life, but I'm often not willing to embrace it. There are millions of songs and phrases out there about living each day like it were your last, but my question is how do we truly live like that? I cannot erase the interviews and meetings on my calendar so that those moments won't be wasted with work rather than with things that are more meaningful like spending time with my family. So what then? The answer is truly simple, we make the best out of each moment of each day. We consiously look for the good in each situation, and thank God for that moment.
I want to be someone who is content with the life she's been given. Yes, there are things that I want in this life, but I realize that I may never be given the chance to experience those things; therefore why waste my time thinking about them? The future is just a big question mark, it truly is nothing that can be planned for.

Second Chances

I'm no expert on love, I'm just a regular 22 year old girl searching for the one God has in store for her, and trying to mend a broken heart.

Love. There's no way around it. We all think about it all the time. Whether we've found "the one" and constantly think of him. You know, the 8 hours while he's at work are just miserable... Or we're out there mindlessly wandering around wondering if the next guy we pass on the streets will be in awe of you. Love. It's supposed to be one of the most magical, positive feelings on this earth, but really, it can make you crazy. Hitting, screaming, yelling... Love can take the sweetest of girls and turn them into Satan's right hand woman. What happened? How did we get to the point where love is no longer the patient, kind, forgiving entity it once was?

Sin. That's what happened. Human selfishness has gotten in the way and corrupted what love should truly be. No longer are couples committing to each other 100% mind, body, and soul, but they are choosing to give only what they want to give. In this world we have a 50% divorce rate. So many people look at the here and now rather than forever. Relationships shouldn't be about what you can get out of them, but what you can give to the other. Unfortunately, that's not what we get.

People make their mistakes though, and who am I to judge? So, in the name of love do we give them another shot? This is a tough topic, and everyone "knows" what they would do until they are given the choice to give someone another chance. I gave someone a second chance, and to be honest, nothing was different. Aren't second chances about rectifying what was wrong the first time, giving 100%? Or, maybe second chances are just an interim until you're on to the next love, until you truly find love?

I've been hurt. I know some will say, "It's your own fault! Could have told you it would end poorly," but this is what I can say with 110% certainty about my experience with second chances: I gave MY all. Someone had done me wrong, left me broken for months and months, and when he came back into my life, I instantly fell. I gave my all. I tried so hard to make it work. But, he didn't. He misused his second chance.

So, to the one person in the world who may be reading this post tonight, I leave you with this prayer: If someone is kind enough to give you another chance, do all you can to do right by him or her. At that point, you have to give 100,000%. It's not easy, but chances are, if they are willing to give you another chance after you've messed up, then they are worth the hard work you'll have to put in to prove to them you won't make the same mistake.

Heart

I'm sitting here alone on a Saturday night watching The Notebook. What greater movie to watch when you're lovesick and dreaming of a fairy tale romance? Not. It just makes you feel worse- more lonely.
I've struggled so long with not having that romantic, head over heels, kind of love. The story book romance they could make into a movie. My problem is that I've watched too many movies like The Notebook. Every day I wake up thinking, "maybe this will be the day my prince charming reveals himself." But, every day I'm brought back to reality. Now is just not my time.
Today my family laid my Uncle Tiny to rest. As I sat there hearing everyone share their stories of this teeny man with a big heart and a beautiful grin, I couldn't help but think of what my funeral will be like. Will I have a husband standing there next to my coffin, heartbroken by his loss? Or, will the room be filled with all my family who never left my side? I know I'm only 22, but with each day I realize more and more that maybe I will never marry... maybe that's not what God has planned for me. BUT, what God does have planned for me, and has already given me, is a beautiful family who I know I will always be able to depend on.
I've had a lot of heart break from friends and a man, but my family has never let me down. So, who says that man standing next to my coffin has to be my husband, maybe he'll be my brother...my cousin...my nephew... who knows. I do know that whoever it is will truly love me and will do all that is in his power to ensure he never hurts me or causes me heartbreak.
That is what love is.

Love is an action we must choose to do everyday

Valentine's Day. Ugh. SO many thoughts around this one simple day of the year. Being the romantic person I am, it's difficult for me to live out the things I tell myself every year. Each year when Valentine's rolls around, I begin preparing myself. I tell myself it's a day about love; and that means loving everyone. I look up in my Bible verses like 1 John 4:18, "We love because He first loved us," and I do really well until it hits me that I'm not going to get the flowers and candlelight shebang that the fairy tale girl in me always dreams of.

But, what I do always get are good 'ole life lessons. It gets really frustrating at times that my life can't be the simple love story that I've always wanted. I try so hard, yet it is never what I've dreamed up, and I'm beginning to understand that I'm not going to get my fairy tale dreams because that isn't the Love Story God has written for me-for right now at least.

So, another Valentine's Day dead and gone... No, I didn't get 100,000,000 long stem roses, but I did get to spend the day with someone who means a lot to me, and I'm thankful for the hamburger helper dinner, Valentine's Day viewing, and cheesecake eating and wine drinking (while watching the East v. West All Star Basketball game). It may not be what I hoped of in my crazy unrealistic head, but it's the beautiful day I was blessed with by my Father whom I LOVE with all my heart.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

My Life Is Exciting...If I Make it That Way

I've been sitting here reading other people's blogs. They write about fashion; what's hot? what's not? They write about yummy recipes they've been trying and how they're satisfying their hubby's taste buds. They write about books they are delving into, and their lives are being impacted by the words scripted on white pages... My life, well, it's not exciting. I work. I come home. I watch re-runs of Cash Cab and wait for shows like the Bachelor or American Idol to finish so that I can crawl into my twin size bed. So boring; so mundane. But is that really how it is???
I was recently hired as the Community Based Match Specialist at Big Brothers Big Sisters of Jackson County--the job I'd been waiting for. My life is already being touched, and it's only been a month! I made my first match yesterday! Bill and Dalton. Dalton couldn't have been happier to see his Big Brother for the first time! He litearly was beaming with excitement as we sat in his living room signing papers to make everything official. What a blessing it was to be a part of this special moment in Bill and Dalton's life. I cannot wait to see the impact I'll make in the months to come!