Tomorrow is not promised to us, yet we all live life like it is. We busy ourselves with work, with friends, we plan, plan, plan. I'm the biggest planner of them all. There's security in knowing that there is an event coming up, an old friend to visit with, or an anniversary to look forward to. But, what if we don't make it to that date we're so longing for? That is a possibility that we often over look, and because of that, we often over look the beauties of each moment because we're so concentrated on making that one event in the future so incredible, so memorable. What if this moment was your last, though? Then what? Would you be content with who you were at that point in your life? Would your last moment in life be something worth remembering?
The ideas of death have been present in my mind for the past couple of days now. After learning about the death of a 26 year old Jackson Police officer, it really struck me that just because I'm young, just because I have so many dreams, just because I feel like my life isn't complete, doesn't mean that my God isn't ready for me to go Home yet. Again I think to the police officer... Perhaps he put his life on the line with the profession he chose, he had it coming...? Then I think to my situation. I go into the homes of complete strangers multiple times a week. I could be somebody's vicitim. And, even if you're sitting at a desk all day crunching numbers, you can never be too certain, too secure. Dates on a calendar don't seem to matter much when you're faced with death.
In the book I'm reading right now ("The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks), the young girl's father is dying of cancer. I was her once. I lost my father at age 17, just like she is. And, just like I did she's struggling with regret, wishing she could get time back so that she could have more memories with her dad. But, time is tricky like that... We can plan what we do with it, but once we make that plan, the second is gone, you can't rewind. While we may wish we could go back in time, make things better somehow, we must accept the fact that God had a plan, and like He promises, He will fulfill His plans. But what does that mean for us? Not much really... The only thing we can do is find peace within ourselves for the decisions we made with the freedom God gave us.
With all these thoughts about death streaming through my mind, of course the idea crossed my mind, "What if I were to die? Would I be happy with who I was?". The truth is, probably not. Right now I'm so focused on things that are meaningless. Hurts that I'm holding on to for whatever reason, hurts that make it impossible for me to enjoy the birds chirping or the sun shining through my window in the morning. There is beauty in my life, but I'm often not willing to embrace it. There are millions of songs and phrases out there about living each day like it were your last, but my question is how do we truly live like that? I cannot erase the interviews and meetings on my calendar so that those moments won't be wasted with work rather than with things that are more meaningful like spending time with my family. So what then? The answer is truly simple, we make the best out of each moment of each day. We consiously look for the good in each situation, and thank God for that moment.
I want to be someone who is content with the life she's been given. Yes, there are things that I want in this life, but I realize that I may never be given the chance to experience those things; therefore why waste my time thinking about them? The future is just a big question mark, it truly is nothing that can be planned for.
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