Second Chances

I'm no expert on love, I'm just a regular 22 year old girl searching for the one God has in store for her, and trying to mend a broken heart.

Love. There's no way around it. We all think about it all the time. Whether we've found "the one" and constantly think of him. You know, the 8 hours while he's at work are just miserable... Or we're out there mindlessly wandering around wondering if the next guy we pass on the streets will be in awe of you. Love. It's supposed to be one of the most magical, positive feelings on this earth, but really, it can make you crazy. Hitting, screaming, yelling... Love can take the sweetest of girls and turn them into Satan's right hand woman. What happened? How did we get to the point where love is no longer the patient, kind, forgiving entity it once was?

Sin. That's what happened. Human selfishness has gotten in the way and corrupted what love should truly be. No longer are couples committing to each other 100% mind, body, and soul, but they are choosing to give only what they want to give. In this world we have a 50% divorce rate. So many people look at the here and now rather than forever. Relationships shouldn't be about what you can get out of them, but what you can give to the other. Unfortunately, that's not what we get.

People make their mistakes though, and who am I to judge? So, in the name of love do we give them another shot? This is a tough topic, and everyone "knows" what they would do until they are given the choice to give someone another chance. I gave someone a second chance, and to be honest, nothing was different. Aren't second chances about rectifying what was wrong the first time, giving 100%? Or, maybe second chances are just an interim until you're on to the next love, until you truly find love?

I've been hurt. I know some will say, "It's your own fault! Could have told you it would end poorly," but this is what I can say with 110% certainty about my experience with second chances: I gave MY all. Someone had done me wrong, left me broken for months and months, and when he came back into my life, I instantly fell. I gave my all. I tried so hard to make it work. But, he didn't. He misused his second chance.

So, to the one person in the world who may be reading this post tonight, I leave you with this prayer: If someone is kind enough to give you another chance, do all you can to do right by him or her. At that point, you have to give 100,000%. It's not easy, but chances are, if they are willing to give you another chance after you've messed up, then they are worth the hard work you'll have to put in to prove to them you won't make the same mistake.

Heart

I'm sitting here alone on a Saturday night watching The Notebook. What greater movie to watch when you're lovesick and dreaming of a fairy tale romance? Not. It just makes you feel worse- more lonely.
I've struggled so long with not having that romantic, head over heels, kind of love. The story book romance they could make into a movie. My problem is that I've watched too many movies like The Notebook. Every day I wake up thinking, "maybe this will be the day my prince charming reveals himself." But, every day I'm brought back to reality. Now is just not my time.
Today my family laid my Uncle Tiny to rest. As I sat there hearing everyone share their stories of this teeny man with a big heart and a beautiful grin, I couldn't help but think of what my funeral will be like. Will I have a husband standing there next to my coffin, heartbroken by his loss? Or, will the room be filled with all my family who never left my side? I know I'm only 22, but with each day I realize more and more that maybe I will never marry... maybe that's not what God has planned for me. BUT, what God does have planned for me, and has already given me, is a beautiful family who I know I will always be able to depend on.
I've had a lot of heart break from friends and a man, but my family has never let me down. So, who says that man standing next to my coffin has to be my husband, maybe he'll be my brother...my cousin...my nephew... who knows. I do know that whoever it is will truly love me and will do all that is in his power to ensure he never hurts me or causes me heartbreak.
That is what love is.

Love is an action we must choose to do everyday

Valentine's Day. Ugh. SO many thoughts around this one simple day of the year. Being the romantic person I am, it's difficult for me to live out the things I tell myself every year. Each year when Valentine's rolls around, I begin preparing myself. I tell myself it's a day about love; and that means loving everyone. I look up in my Bible verses like 1 John 4:18, "We love because He first loved us," and I do really well until it hits me that I'm not going to get the flowers and candlelight shebang that the fairy tale girl in me always dreams of.

But, what I do always get are good 'ole life lessons. It gets really frustrating at times that my life can't be the simple love story that I've always wanted. I try so hard, yet it is never what I've dreamed up, and I'm beginning to understand that I'm not going to get my fairy tale dreams because that isn't the Love Story God has written for me-for right now at least.

So, another Valentine's Day dead and gone... No, I didn't get 100,000,000 long stem roses, but I did get to spend the day with someone who means a lot to me, and I'm thankful for the hamburger helper dinner, Valentine's Day viewing, and cheesecake eating and wine drinking (while watching the East v. West All Star Basketball game). It may not be what I hoped of in my crazy unrealistic head, but it's the beautiful day I was blessed with by my Father whom I LOVE with all my heart.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

My Life Is Exciting...If I Make it That Way

I've been sitting here reading other people's blogs. They write about fashion; what's hot? what's not? They write about yummy recipes they've been trying and how they're satisfying their hubby's taste buds. They write about books they are delving into, and their lives are being impacted by the words scripted on white pages... My life, well, it's not exciting. I work. I come home. I watch re-runs of Cash Cab and wait for shows like the Bachelor or American Idol to finish so that I can crawl into my twin size bed. So boring; so mundane. But is that really how it is???
I was recently hired as the Community Based Match Specialist at Big Brothers Big Sisters of Jackson County--the job I'd been waiting for. My life is already being touched, and it's only been a month! I made my first match yesterday! Bill and Dalton. Dalton couldn't have been happier to see his Big Brother for the first time! He litearly was beaming with excitement as we sat in his living room signing papers to make everything official. What a blessing it was to be a part of this special moment in Bill and Dalton's life. I cannot wait to see the impact I'll make in the months to come!