A Day Off

So, I failed again last night. I went to bed without doing my devotions! But, because God works in such great ways, I have been blessed with another beautiful morning to sit on the balcony and do them in the sunshine. I've been blessed with the opportunity to take things slowly, and just mull over my thoughts and feelings. What a wonderful opportunity!

I had a dream last night that my dad called into work so that he could mow the lawn. I’ve been talking for weeks about calling into work and just enjoying the day, but I just never do it – there’s always work to be done. My dad was always so good at not letting work consume him. I remember her would call in when we had snow days so he could “sit home with the kids”… We were in high school. He knew how to enjoy life in his simple kind of way, the way I never do because I let fear, worry, and guilt get in the way of simply just enjoying the sunshine in the middle of the week.

I really feel my dad’s presence in my life right now. Not a day goes by that I do not think about him, but I have noticed that I’ve been talking about him more lately, or hearing more about other’s thoughts. Elle had a dream last week that my dad, my Uncle Larry (her father), and my Great-Grandma Struble were all at a family dinner at my grandparents house. Elle was the only one that could see or talk to our angels, and she had the blessing of hearing my dad say that he wanted to go hunting, but needed to wait for the bean soup to be done first! Danny’s mentioned that he thinks of my dad while he mows the lawn. And my mom recently shared with me that Kaelyn will hug the tree we have planted in the backyard in his memory – that’s only tree she hugs. I wonder sometimes what he’d think of all of us if he were still here. I like to think he would be prouder than ever.

If I Wrote a Book...

For many years I have been told that I am a great writer. It seems like every time I write someone a nice letter they dote over me. "You have a gift, Alison!", they say... Or the most common, "Do not let that talent go to waste!" I've been asked by many if I have ever thought about writing a novel, and to that I ususally just laugh nervously and simply say 'thank you.' While writing is an escape for me, and something I enjoy greatly, it is definitely not something I could see doing for any other purpose than simply expressing my thoughts.

Today I started thinking about what I would write about if by some freak of nature I would write a book... And, given that I lack much imagination, my novel would most likely be something very personal.

Therefore, my novel would be a mess of emotion; something all women my age could relate it. It would be filled with heartbreak, with laughter, with tears, with smiles; each and every page would take readers on an emotional rollercoaster, since my life is full of ups and downs. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I have the ability to go from having an incredible time trying on teeny tiny dresses with a good friend, to driving home with tears streaming down my face... all within 10 minutes. Therefore the paragraphs in my novel would be so contrasting. I would go from having a sentence full of exclamation and capitalized words, to that full of heavy, gloomy words. My book would be a mess. A publisher's worst nightware.

But, my book would be a young woman's haven. While I feel so alone much of the time, as if no one in the world knows what I deal with on a daily basis, the reality is that I am among the majority. There are millions of beautiful women out there just like me who are longing for companionship, uncertain of where life is going to take them, and feeling as though they are just floating through each day. The majority of us are sitting around thinking that EVERYONE is getting married and having children, and that we are going to end up as old cat ladies. WE ARE THE MAJORITY... those with husbands, fiances, and children are actually the minority.

So while my book may be full of mood swings and exaggerated thoughts and emotions, it would be a top seller because so many women my age could relate to it. Perhaps it would be a comfort to others to read my thoughts... to see in black and white that there are others out there just like them that are longing for something more, who can be very down and depressed at times, and at all the while searching for the next comforting moment to pass the time (because ladies, there are great blessings out there).

PLC (Positive Life Changes)

It's hard to let go of things that you desperately want to hold on to. There are things in your life that you cannot control, no matter how much you may want to. Even though you think you have it all figured out, and that your way is the RIGHT way, God always has another idea. At some point you have to let go a little, and simply let God do His thing.
I have always been a control freak. Ask my closest friends and family, they will all atest to it. I'm the kind of girl who would rather take on the stress of making things perfect (according to my ideas) than to relax a little and let someone else help. How terrible of me to think that my ideas and my ways of life are better than someone elses. How terrible of me to think that I can play God.
Well, God's really been revealing to me that I can't be in control any longer. Now is the time to truly let go of all the desires and longings that break me down and wear me out and to simply live my life for Him.
He will provide for those who are faithful to Him. Daily I will remind myself of this. Daily I will pick up my cross and lay my burdens at His feet. Daily I will make an effort to make this world a better place in the name of Christ. Daily I will make an effort to simply be blessed by the blessings around me.
I have a choice each day to focus on the things that I want that I do not have or to be thankful for the gifts and opportunities I've been given. No, this isn't what I would have planned for myself, but I know without a doubt that what God has planned for me is better than what I had in store for myself. I have the choice to look at life positively, and that is what I am going to do. What we choose to focus on effects our feelings-and I know I'm sick of feeling down and depressed.
What a refreshing weekend this has been. I've been given the opportunity to chase after things I've always wanted to explore... Thank you Jesus for reminding me not to waste my days.