1 Corinthians 13:2-3

1 Corinthians 13:2-3 (NLT) states: "If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing."
We have nothing without love.
As I was making my dinner tonight, I came to the realization that my life right now is a lot like that of Jennifer Lopez's character in The Wedding Planner (prior to almost getting run over by a large dumpster and falling in love with Matthew McConaughey). She works long hours each day, putting a great deal of effort into making the lives of others more enjoyable; only to come home to her maticulously clean apartment to watch reruns of the Antique Roadshow. Each day she watches as couples in love plan their weddings and say their vows, and each day she is reminded of how that is missing in her life.
While I am no wedding planner, I am a match maker. No I do not hook up men and women and watch them fall passionately in love with one another, but I do get the opportunity to watch as two people grow to be comfortable with one another and begin building a lifelong bond. I am reminded each day of how that is missing in my life.
The Word says that if we do not love, we have nothing. I know that loving does not have to mean a husband and a family, but for me, those desires are great. Because of that, and because of my daily reminder of how glorious life can be when two people fall in love (in a sense), I believe that my God will provide.

I will wait.

I had a Match Meeting in Spring Arbor today. So, I drove out there just like I drive to Brooklynn, Grass Lake, or Francis St. I drove out there to bring two wonderful individuals together so that they could be blessed by one another. And, that's exactly what I did. I made another great match. BUT... Turns out my trip to Spring Arbor impacted me a little more than my other travels around Jackson County.

I haven't really been to Spring Arbor since graduation. A couple times here and there to visit my old roommate, but never was I impacted by the campus, by the small village... by the park and all the memories like I was this time.

Spring Arbor is where I fell in love. Lying in the park star gazing for hours and hours and talking about our families and the past. Countless hours in Ormston and Village D. Sitting hand in hand in chapel. It was there that I realized I have the ability to care for another, and to share my story and my life with someone else. What a beautiful lesson to learn.

Spring Arbor is also where my heart was broken... many times by many different people. It's crazy how much we let others impact our lives. Just one word, one look, can be misread and your whole day (or month) can be affected. It's silly how we let others do that to us.

My life is very much different now than it was a year ago when I was an SAU student. My days were filled with friends and school work. Hours in the gym, and hours watching the Bachelor and One Tree Hill. While none of my interests have changed, I now have a job where I am needed, and I get to be a part of beautiful and hard times in people's lives. Yet, I long to be back in school. To have those friendships and to do all the silly things we used to do. The meaningless things that today mean the world to me when I think about them.

I miss my friends. I do. I feel really lonely, which is ironic since I'm surrounded by people everyday. I'm a Social Worker... It's my job to spend time with people and talk to them. Yet, I feel like I'm lacking true intimate relationships in my life.

I spoke to my mom last night for a really long time. She's such a wise woman. We talked about how things are different now, and therefore all the friendships I had in college will not be like they are today. We all have our own lives now. And, as much as I feel like everyone has their own life and I don't, I do. My life is busy and full of appointments, just like everyone else. Once I get settled into this chapter of my life, everything will fall back into place. There will be comfort and familiarity again (probably in a new form), I just have to have patience as God settles me. Unfortunately I always want God do to things a little faster than He does!

It's a rut I'm in, but I cannot lose faith. I sat here tonight and watched the sky turn all sorts of beautiful colors. Purples, blues, pinks, oranges. Only God can paint that beautiful of a picture. He knows the number of hairs on my head... He knows the plans He has for me.

I will worship while I wait to see them played out.

No Escaping the Inevitable

Tomorrow is not promised to us, yet we all live life like it is. We busy ourselves with work, with friends, we plan, plan, plan. I'm the biggest planner of them all. There's security in knowing that there is an event coming up, an old friend to visit with, or an anniversary to look forward to. But, what if we don't make it to that date we're so longing for? That is a possibility that we often over look, and because of that, we often over look the beauties of each moment because we're so concentrated on making that one event in the future so incredible, so memorable. What if this moment was your last, though? Then what? Would you be content with who you were at that point in your life? Would your last moment in life be something worth remembering?
The ideas of death have been present in my mind for the past couple of days now. After learning about the death of a 26 year old Jackson Police officer, it really struck me that just because I'm young, just because I have so many dreams, just because I feel like my life isn't complete, doesn't mean that my God isn't ready for me to go Home yet. Again I think to the police officer... Perhaps he put his life on the line with the profession he chose, he had it coming...? Then I think to my situation. I go into the homes of complete strangers multiple times a week. I could be somebody's vicitim. And, even if you're sitting at a desk all day crunching numbers, you can never be too certain, too secure. Dates on a calendar don't seem to matter much when you're faced with death.
In the book I'm reading right now ("The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks), the young girl's father is dying of cancer. I was her once. I lost my father at age 17, just like she is. And, just like I did she's struggling with regret, wishing she could get time back so that she could have more memories with her dad. But, time is tricky like that... We can plan what we do with it, but once we make that plan, the second is gone, you can't rewind. While we may wish we could go back in time, make things better somehow, we must accept the fact that God had a plan, and like He promises, He will fulfill His plans. But what does that mean for us? Not much really... The only thing we can do is find peace within ourselves for the decisions we made with the freedom God gave us.
With all these thoughts about death streaming through my mind, of course the idea crossed my mind, "What if I were to die? Would I be happy with who I was?". The truth is, probably not. Right now I'm so focused on things that are meaningless. Hurts that I'm holding on to for whatever reason, hurts that make it impossible for me to enjoy the birds chirping or the sun shining through my window in the morning. There is beauty in my life, but I'm often not willing to embrace it. There are millions of songs and phrases out there about living each day like it were your last, but my question is how do we truly live like that? I cannot erase the interviews and meetings on my calendar so that those moments won't be wasted with work rather than with things that are more meaningful like spending time with my family. So what then? The answer is truly simple, we make the best out of each moment of each day. We consiously look for the good in each situation, and thank God for that moment.
I want to be someone who is content with the life she's been given. Yes, there are things that I want in this life, but I realize that I may never be given the chance to experience those things; therefore why waste my time thinking about them? The future is just a big question mark, it truly is nothing that can be planned for.