Sunburnt.

I've literally had the best couple of weeks! I have been surrounded by family, have had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, and have met new people. I've spent days lying by the pool, wading in the water, and basking in the sunshine (maybe a little too long)! I don't know if the smile that is on my face right now can be erased.

Summer finally got here, and I'm so glad I let it happen! For so long I was in a dark (or maybe dimly lit) place, and while I understand there will be times when I get a little gloomy, I know that right now I have found some peace in my life that has set me free. There comes a time when you have to let go of the baggage you've been lugging around, and simply put on a swim suit and dive in... or better yet, burn all the memories in a bonfire :)

I couldn't be happier with the friendships I have right now, and I'm thankful for all the people who have made my life wonderful! I was thinking about who I would have as bridesmaids in my wedding if I were to get married right now (so many of my friends are getting married so it crosses my mind from time to time) and there were just so many beautiful and inspiring ladies in my life to choose from... I think I'm going to end up with about 20 attendants on my side alone. I sure hope my husband (whoever he is) has just as many supportive men in his life!

Well, I think I'm done ranting about how great things have been for me lately... I better go lather myself in aloe and get to wasting the rest of my 3 day weekend just lounging and relaxing. Life really isn't so bad. Thank you God for reminding me of that!

Sweet Summertime

It's been quite some time since I have blessed all of my readers with the wonderful thoughts from my head and heart, so since I have a moment, I'll just jot something quickly. There isn't too much weighing on my heart for once, so this blog may not be as interesting as some of the others, or perhaps it will be more???

It is now summer, and kind of has been for about a month. Now that I'm a real grown up with a career, I have kind of forgotten what all summer really consists of. Instead of filling my day with fun activities outdoors, I have been sitting at a desk making matches and writing case notes. Summer just isn't the same.

But, that could change, if I'm willing to let it. Now that I am aware that it's actually summer, July just a few days away, evening walks and weekends spent on the lake or in the park don't seem like such a bad idea. I need to remember to keep a little bit of my inner child. Anyone have any camping trips planned!?!?!?!?

Today it begins, a family dinner at Grandma's. That's what summers are all about for me. Family. Camping, the corn roast, the family reunion,fairs, fireworks, lake days, tanning on a towle, Elle's visit, EVERYONE's birthday. This is the life.

AND, to make this summer even greater, Kristin and I will be climbing on a jet plane heading out west to get into some trouble with our third partner in crime. Arizona and time with my two favorite cousins is all I day dream about these days (that and this cute boy I have a crush on!), and I cannot wait until August 6th!

Well, off to Grandma's... Kris and I have to buy our tickets before all the delicious food gets gobbled up!

Dear Friend,

Dear Friend,
I know your heart has been hurt, and that sometimes your struggle is too much to bear. I am sorry that you've had the one thing you've always dreamed of stripped away from you, and have had to sit back (twice now) and watch it unfold for another beautiful daughter of God.
I am sorry that you have put so much faith and hope in someone, only to see him let you down. I am sorry that you're hurting from the mistakes you've made, and that you also bear much of the burden of the mistakes others have made unto you.
I know there are holes in your heart where there was once love from another, love from a trusted friend. I know there are bruises on your soul from the harsh words of another woman who said things out of jealousy and anger. I know these things hurt, and I'm so sorry that you have to endure it.
But dear friend, your strength is admirable. Despite the broken, bruised, and wounded heart you possess, you want nothing more than to continue to show love. I see that your scared. Scared of love, and scared of living life alone. I pray for the day when your walls come down and you find standing on the other side the incredible man that God has had waiting for you the entire time.
Your passion for life and for Christ is beautiful. While others around you are trying so hard to figure things out on their own, and are trying to find comfort in whoever may come along next, you know that true love is real, and you are courageous enough to wait for it. I admire your will power to follow the Lord, and to consult with Him about every area of your life. It is beautiful that you recognize that you have faults just like everyone else, and that you still have some changes that need to be made before you are prepared for your next stage of life.
I know you often struggle with the "what if's" and you are not always patient in waiting for what your heart desires, but I see inside of you the faith that God will bring you through this dark hour, and in the morning there will be joy and celebration!
Thank you for setting an example to others on how to live passionately for God. You are never fake, and you have no problem admitting when you've slip up, but in all you do, you work to include your Father and ask Him to redirect your paths.
Friend, you will be loved. You already are. Please don't let those blessings go unnoticed, and being the incredible woman that you are, I believe that you realize how beautiful your life truly is, even with all of the pain you've experienced.
Thank you for being a good friend to me. Thank you for loving and caring about me when you often just feel like giving up. You are an inspiration.

Sincerely,
Your Friend.

Faithful 'til the End

My freshman year in High School I started to go to church with my two beautiful cousins, and not long after that, I realized what I was missing out on and gave my life to Christ. That was nine years ago… Wow. In those nine years I have had many experiences that have taught me vital life lessons, and with the help of Christ, have become the woman I am today. Even with all of those experiences and lessons, I never mastered one important concept (however, when it comes to God, I am not really sure if there is such thing as mastering anything!).
Faith has been a difficult thing for me. Intellectually I have understood what it means to have faith, and I get all the ideals surrounding it. I have always believed that God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him, and that taking a step out on faith is one of the most courageous and beautiful things you can do to show your commitment to Christ. And, there have been plenty of times I’ve told my friends, “You just have to have faith that God will provide.” I get the concept, but I would be a liar to say that I live it out. You know the scripture faith the size of a mustard seed” (Luke 17:6)?... Well, I have held on to that verse for dear life. I will admit it; I have been a woman of little faith when it comes to my own life. For whatever reason, perhaps low self-esteem or personal situations that have occurred in my life making me feel this way, sometimes I feel like maybe I do not deserve to prosper. Maybe God’s intentions for me are to struggle… always. What a ridiculous thought! My God is good, and He LOVES me, why in the world would He want me to continuously struggle? But, when I do not get what I want, or things go sour for me, that is exactly what I feel, thus my faith is diminished.
But, for once in my nine years of LIFE, I think I am starting to get it a little bit. No, I still do not have it mastered, but I am beginning to truly believe that God has something beautiful in store for me, and that I am going to be happy. My pastor at church has gone over the topic of faith for the past month now, and only God can understand how much I have learned and grown from the sermons, and how much my life has been impacted.
I hope you are as inspired to lean on God as I have been by these scriptures.
*Hebrews 11:1- What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.
*2 Timothy 4:7-8- I have fought a good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me-the crown of righteousness that the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that great day of return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his glorious return.
*2 Corinthians 4:16-18- That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.
*Revelation 2:10- Don’t be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The Devil will throw some of you into prison and put you to the test. You will be persecuted for ten days. Remain faithful even when facing death, and I will give you the crown of life.
*Hebrews 11:6- So, you see, it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God without faith.
It is a beautiful thing when you are able to find encouragement in a temporarily difficult spot in life. The pastor brought up the idea of “childlike faith”, something I’ve heard often. Children trust their parents to feed them, clothe them, and care for them. Until that trust has been broken, they continue to reach out for their help when they need it. God has not broken my trust, and while He’s taken things from me that I wanted badly, just like any good father, He did it to teach me a lesson. Perhaps it is time for me to start trusting God as a three year old trusts her daddy… when He tosses me in the air, He will catch me as I come back down.

A Day Off

So, I failed again last night. I went to bed without doing my devotions! But, because God works in such great ways, I have been blessed with another beautiful morning to sit on the balcony and do them in the sunshine. I've been blessed with the opportunity to take things slowly, and just mull over my thoughts and feelings. What a wonderful opportunity!

I had a dream last night that my dad called into work so that he could mow the lawn. I’ve been talking for weeks about calling into work and just enjoying the day, but I just never do it – there’s always work to be done. My dad was always so good at not letting work consume him. I remember her would call in when we had snow days so he could “sit home with the kids”… We were in high school. He knew how to enjoy life in his simple kind of way, the way I never do because I let fear, worry, and guilt get in the way of simply just enjoying the sunshine in the middle of the week.

I really feel my dad’s presence in my life right now. Not a day goes by that I do not think about him, but I have noticed that I’ve been talking about him more lately, or hearing more about other’s thoughts. Elle had a dream last week that my dad, my Uncle Larry (her father), and my Great-Grandma Struble were all at a family dinner at my grandparents house. Elle was the only one that could see or talk to our angels, and she had the blessing of hearing my dad say that he wanted to go hunting, but needed to wait for the bean soup to be done first! Danny’s mentioned that he thinks of my dad while he mows the lawn. And my mom recently shared with me that Kaelyn will hug the tree we have planted in the backyard in his memory – that’s only tree she hugs. I wonder sometimes what he’d think of all of us if he were still here. I like to think he would be prouder than ever.

If I Wrote a Book...

For many years I have been told that I am a great writer. It seems like every time I write someone a nice letter they dote over me. "You have a gift, Alison!", they say... Or the most common, "Do not let that talent go to waste!" I've been asked by many if I have ever thought about writing a novel, and to that I ususally just laugh nervously and simply say 'thank you.' While writing is an escape for me, and something I enjoy greatly, it is definitely not something I could see doing for any other purpose than simply expressing my thoughts.

Today I started thinking about what I would write about if by some freak of nature I would write a book... And, given that I lack much imagination, my novel would most likely be something very personal.

Therefore, my novel would be a mess of emotion; something all women my age could relate it. It would be filled with heartbreak, with laughter, with tears, with smiles; each and every page would take readers on an emotional rollercoaster, since my life is full of ups and downs. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I have the ability to go from having an incredible time trying on teeny tiny dresses with a good friend, to driving home with tears streaming down my face... all within 10 minutes. Therefore the paragraphs in my novel would be so contrasting. I would go from having a sentence full of exclamation and capitalized words, to that full of heavy, gloomy words. My book would be a mess. A publisher's worst nightware.

But, my book would be a young woman's haven. While I feel so alone much of the time, as if no one in the world knows what I deal with on a daily basis, the reality is that I am among the majority. There are millions of beautiful women out there just like me who are longing for companionship, uncertain of where life is going to take them, and feeling as though they are just floating through each day. The majority of us are sitting around thinking that EVERYONE is getting married and having children, and that we are going to end up as old cat ladies. WE ARE THE MAJORITY... those with husbands, fiances, and children are actually the minority.

So while my book may be full of mood swings and exaggerated thoughts and emotions, it would be a top seller because so many women my age could relate to it. Perhaps it would be a comfort to others to read my thoughts... to see in black and white that there are others out there just like them that are longing for something more, who can be very down and depressed at times, and at all the while searching for the next comforting moment to pass the time (because ladies, there are great blessings out there).

PLC (Positive Life Changes)

It's hard to let go of things that you desperately want to hold on to. There are things in your life that you cannot control, no matter how much you may want to. Even though you think you have it all figured out, and that your way is the RIGHT way, God always has another idea. At some point you have to let go a little, and simply let God do His thing.
I have always been a control freak. Ask my closest friends and family, they will all atest to it. I'm the kind of girl who would rather take on the stress of making things perfect (according to my ideas) than to relax a little and let someone else help. How terrible of me to think that my ideas and my ways of life are better than someone elses. How terrible of me to think that I can play God.
Well, God's really been revealing to me that I can't be in control any longer. Now is the time to truly let go of all the desires and longings that break me down and wear me out and to simply live my life for Him.
He will provide for those who are faithful to Him. Daily I will remind myself of this. Daily I will pick up my cross and lay my burdens at His feet. Daily I will make an effort to make this world a better place in the name of Christ. Daily I will make an effort to simply be blessed by the blessings around me.
I have a choice each day to focus on the things that I want that I do not have or to be thankful for the gifts and opportunities I've been given. No, this isn't what I would have planned for myself, but I know without a doubt that what God has planned for me is better than what I had in store for myself. I have the choice to look at life positively, and that is what I am going to do. What we choose to focus on effects our feelings-and I know I'm sick of feeling down and depressed.
What a refreshing weekend this has been. I've been given the opportunity to chase after things I've always wanted to explore... Thank you Jesus for reminding me not to waste my days.

Perfection.

My life is perfect because it has been blessed by God. There are many days that I struggle in remembering that, something that I've felt very convicted of the past couple of months. We all have our desires and our hopes for the future, and that is something so beautiful. However, I think I have allowed my hopes for the future get in the way of the beautiful life I've been given right now.

I need to remember how many times in a day I laugh. How many incredible people I interact with each day. How many lives I get to impact. How glorious.

My family and friends are incredible, and over the past mont, I've been so blessed to get re-acquainted with most of them.

Easter with the family was great, as any holiday is. I truly believe that I have been blessed with the best family. Yes, we have our faults, but what family doesn't. I'm very greatful for my family, and to my grandparents whom I know are reading this... Thank you for continuously opening your home up to all of us, and for supporting and caring for ALL OF US!

I was also blessed with the most magificent trip to Wisconsin. What is better than to see your best friend try on wedding dresses? And, to have the three amigos back together... just like high school. Swinging my arm off playing Wii tennis, planning Mel's wedding with the help of tackyweddings.com, and girl talk before falling asleep... life was perfect for that moment.

Dinner with Danielle and Beth. Ahhh... Our hearts are so fragile, and that is so evident in the conversation we shared over dinner. How beautiful we all are...

Distance keeps my high school friends and I a part, but this month I learned that they are true friends. We are able to pick things up right where we left them... even if it was months and months ago. And, when someone's been fired and needs some support, when someone needs some help planning a wedding, when someone's moving 23 hours away to Texas, and when someone simply feels friend-less... we are there for each other. How amazing. That's true friendship, I'm so glad we've figured it out.

And then my college friends. Hanging out at the apartment, laughing and catching up. Being able to be real with each other... even if it means feeling a little awkward at times. And, forgiving and accepting everyone just as they are. Tony's art show that made me cry. A quick hug and catching up with Kristen. Learning of new relationships, and seeing how old loves have wounded precious hearts. Seeing Kathreen walk down the aisle, finally wed to the man of her dreams. Laughter and joy. Perfection.
What a great month it has been. My God answered my prayers by blessing me with this month that reminded me how wonderfully perfect my life is right now.

God's Gloriousness

March. What a crazy month. I felt as though I were working non-stop.
Long days in the office, late nights spent in a bowling alley collecting money to help serve the children in Jackson County, and countless hours packing and relocating to a new apartment. The busyness was good in a sense. I accomplished great things at work... making many matches, and finally feeling like I'm making a difference in the lives of those I serve. I even had a mother call me in tears, thanking me for giving her daughter such a great Big Sister. And, while I realize that I'm not the one to be appreciated for this great blessing, I feel good knowing that I brought the two together... Sometimes all it takes is a small seed to see something grow beautifully.
With all the hustle and bustle, though, brings tiredness. We were created to serve, yes, but we need to make sure we're taking the time to care for ourselves, and taking the time to reflect on God's goodness.
Hannah and I recently moved to a new apartment. While our move mostly stemmed from needing a less expensive place to live, we've found that the move has brought new opportunities. The excitement of the new place has brought a new sense of joy to our lives... laughter and the chance to experience new things as we learn about our new home. We can go for walks at night, have painted our living room (making us feel like sophisticated grown women), and most importantly, we are blessed with beautiful sunsets off our balcony.
I've always been a sucker for sunsets. To me there is nothing more beautiful in all of God's creation. While God has created beautiful people and places in this world, so many of those beauties have been defiled by the evilness of humans. But, nothing gets in the way of a beautiful sunset. It is one of the few things left in this world that is different each day, yet glorious each and every day.
Sunsets are one of those things that are impossible to describe in words... and honestly, I can't even really explain what it is that I love about them. But, for those few minutes each day that I watch the sunset, I'm thankful for the peaceful time to reflect on God's greatness... and grateful for the laughs I share with my roommate!
God is glorious, each and every day. No matter how busy our lives get, how horrible our days can be, how many mistakes we make... Each evening I know that I will be reminded of what truly matters, simply by watching the everyday event of the glorious sun ducking behind the trees in the distance.

1 Corinthians 13:2-3

1 Corinthians 13:2-3 (NLT) states: "If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing."
We have nothing without love.
As I was making my dinner tonight, I came to the realization that my life right now is a lot like that of Jennifer Lopez's character in The Wedding Planner (prior to almost getting run over by a large dumpster and falling in love with Matthew McConaughey). She works long hours each day, putting a great deal of effort into making the lives of others more enjoyable; only to come home to her maticulously clean apartment to watch reruns of the Antique Roadshow. Each day she watches as couples in love plan their weddings and say their vows, and each day she is reminded of how that is missing in her life.
While I am no wedding planner, I am a match maker. No I do not hook up men and women and watch them fall passionately in love with one another, but I do get the opportunity to watch as two people grow to be comfortable with one another and begin building a lifelong bond. I am reminded each day of how that is missing in my life.
The Word says that if we do not love, we have nothing. I know that loving does not have to mean a husband and a family, but for me, those desires are great. Because of that, and because of my daily reminder of how glorious life can be when two people fall in love (in a sense), I believe that my God will provide.

I will wait.

I had a Match Meeting in Spring Arbor today. So, I drove out there just like I drive to Brooklynn, Grass Lake, or Francis St. I drove out there to bring two wonderful individuals together so that they could be blessed by one another. And, that's exactly what I did. I made another great match. BUT... Turns out my trip to Spring Arbor impacted me a little more than my other travels around Jackson County.

I haven't really been to Spring Arbor since graduation. A couple times here and there to visit my old roommate, but never was I impacted by the campus, by the small village... by the park and all the memories like I was this time.

Spring Arbor is where I fell in love. Lying in the park star gazing for hours and hours and talking about our families and the past. Countless hours in Ormston and Village D. Sitting hand in hand in chapel. It was there that I realized I have the ability to care for another, and to share my story and my life with someone else. What a beautiful lesson to learn.

Spring Arbor is also where my heart was broken... many times by many different people. It's crazy how much we let others impact our lives. Just one word, one look, can be misread and your whole day (or month) can be affected. It's silly how we let others do that to us.

My life is very much different now than it was a year ago when I was an SAU student. My days were filled with friends and school work. Hours in the gym, and hours watching the Bachelor and One Tree Hill. While none of my interests have changed, I now have a job where I am needed, and I get to be a part of beautiful and hard times in people's lives. Yet, I long to be back in school. To have those friendships and to do all the silly things we used to do. The meaningless things that today mean the world to me when I think about them.

I miss my friends. I do. I feel really lonely, which is ironic since I'm surrounded by people everyday. I'm a Social Worker... It's my job to spend time with people and talk to them. Yet, I feel like I'm lacking true intimate relationships in my life.

I spoke to my mom last night for a really long time. She's such a wise woman. We talked about how things are different now, and therefore all the friendships I had in college will not be like they are today. We all have our own lives now. And, as much as I feel like everyone has their own life and I don't, I do. My life is busy and full of appointments, just like everyone else. Once I get settled into this chapter of my life, everything will fall back into place. There will be comfort and familiarity again (probably in a new form), I just have to have patience as God settles me. Unfortunately I always want God do to things a little faster than He does!

It's a rut I'm in, but I cannot lose faith. I sat here tonight and watched the sky turn all sorts of beautiful colors. Purples, blues, pinks, oranges. Only God can paint that beautiful of a picture. He knows the number of hairs on my head... He knows the plans He has for me.

I will worship while I wait to see them played out.

No Escaping the Inevitable

Tomorrow is not promised to us, yet we all live life like it is. We busy ourselves with work, with friends, we plan, plan, plan. I'm the biggest planner of them all. There's security in knowing that there is an event coming up, an old friend to visit with, or an anniversary to look forward to. But, what if we don't make it to that date we're so longing for? That is a possibility that we often over look, and because of that, we often over look the beauties of each moment because we're so concentrated on making that one event in the future so incredible, so memorable. What if this moment was your last, though? Then what? Would you be content with who you were at that point in your life? Would your last moment in life be something worth remembering?
The ideas of death have been present in my mind for the past couple of days now. After learning about the death of a 26 year old Jackson Police officer, it really struck me that just because I'm young, just because I have so many dreams, just because I feel like my life isn't complete, doesn't mean that my God isn't ready for me to go Home yet. Again I think to the police officer... Perhaps he put his life on the line with the profession he chose, he had it coming...? Then I think to my situation. I go into the homes of complete strangers multiple times a week. I could be somebody's vicitim. And, even if you're sitting at a desk all day crunching numbers, you can never be too certain, too secure. Dates on a calendar don't seem to matter much when you're faced with death.
In the book I'm reading right now ("The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks), the young girl's father is dying of cancer. I was her once. I lost my father at age 17, just like she is. And, just like I did she's struggling with regret, wishing she could get time back so that she could have more memories with her dad. But, time is tricky like that... We can plan what we do with it, but once we make that plan, the second is gone, you can't rewind. While we may wish we could go back in time, make things better somehow, we must accept the fact that God had a plan, and like He promises, He will fulfill His plans. But what does that mean for us? Not much really... The only thing we can do is find peace within ourselves for the decisions we made with the freedom God gave us.
With all these thoughts about death streaming through my mind, of course the idea crossed my mind, "What if I were to die? Would I be happy with who I was?". The truth is, probably not. Right now I'm so focused on things that are meaningless. Hurts that I'm holding on to for whatever reason, hurts that make it impossible for me to enjoy the birds chirping or the sun shining through my window in the morning. There is beauty in my life, but I'm often not willing to embrace it. There are millions of songs and phrases out there about living each day like it were your last, but my question is how do we truly live like that? I cannot erase the interviews and meetings on my calendar so that those moments won't be wasted with work rather than with things that are more meaningful like spending time with my family. So what then? The answer is truly simple, we make the best out of each moment of each day. We consiously look for the good in each situation, and thank God for that moment.
I want to be someone who is content with the life she's been given. Yes, there are things that I want in this life, but I realize that I may never be given the chance to experience those things; therefore why waste my time thinking about them? The future is just a big question mark, it truly is nothing that can be planned for.

Second Chances

I'm no expert on love, I'm just a regular 22 year old girl searching for the one God has in store for her, and trying to mend a broken heart.

Love. There's no way around it. We all think about it all the time. Whether we've found "the one" and constantly think of him. You know, the 8 hours while he's at work are just miserable... Or we're out there mindlessly wandering around wondering if the next guy we pass on the streets will be in awe of you. Love. It's supposed to be one of the most magical, positive feelings on this earth, but really, it can make you crazy. Hitting, screaming, yelling... Love can take the sweetest of girls and turn them into Satan's right hand woman. What happened? How did we get to the point where love is no longer the patient, kind, forgiving entity it once was?

Sin. That's what happened. Human selfishness has gotten in the way and corrupted what love should truly be. No longer are couples committing to each other 100% mind, body, and soul, but they are choosing to give only what they want to give. In this world we have a 50% divorce rate. So many people look at the here and now rather than forever. Relationships shouldn't be about what you can get out of them, but what you can give to the other. Unfortunately, that's not what we get.

People make their mistakes though, and who am I to judge? So, in the name of love do we give them another shot? This is a tough topic, and everyone "knows" what they would do until they are given the choice to give someone another chance. I gave someone a second chance, and to be honest, nothing was different. Aren't second chances about rectifying what was wrong the first time, giving 100%? Or, maybe second chances are just an interim until you're on to the next love, until you truly find love?

I've been hurt. I know some will say, "It's your own fault! Could have told you it would end poorly," but this is what I can say with 110% certainty about my experience with second chances: I gave MY all. Someone had done me wrong, left me broken for months and months, and when he came back into my life, I instantly fell. I gave my all. I tried so hard to make it work. But, he didn't. He misused his second chance.

So, to the one person in the world who may be reading this post tonight, I leave you with this prayer: If someone is kind enough to give you another chance, do all you can to do right by him or her. At that point, you have to give 100,000%. It's not easy, but chances are, if they are willing to give you another chance after you've messed up, then they are worth the hard work you'll have to put in to prove to them you won't make the same mistake.

Heart

I'm sitting here alone on a Saturday night watching The Notebook. What greater movie to watch when you're lovesick and dreaming of a fairy tale romance? Not. It just makes you feel worse- more lonely.
I've struggled so long with not having that romantic, head over heels, kind of love. The story book romance they could make into a movie. My problem is that I've watched too many movies like The Notebook. Every day I wake up thinking, "maybe this will be the day my prince charming reveals himself." But, every day I'm brought back to reality. Now is just not my time.
Today my family laid my Uncle Tiny to rest. As I sat there hearing everyone share their stories of this teeny man with a big heart and a beautiful grin, I couldn't help but think of what my funeral will be like. Will I have a husband standing there next to my coffin, heartbroken by his loss? Or, will the room be filled with all my family who never left my side? I know I'm only 22, but with each day I realize more and more that maybe I will never marry... maybe that's not what God has planned for me. BUT, what God does have planned for me, and has already given me, is a beautiful family who I know I will always be able to depend on.
I've had a lot of heart break from friends and a man, but my family has never let me down. So, who says that man standing next to my coffin has to be my husband, maybe he'll be my brother...my cousin...my nephew... who knows. I do know that whoever it is will truly love me and will do all that is in his power to ensure he never hurts me or causes me heartbreak.
That is what love is.

Love is an action we must choose to do everyday

Valentine's Day. Ugh. SO many thoughts around this one simple day of the year. Being the romantic person I am, it's difficult for me to live out the things I tell myself every year. Each year when Valentine's rolls around, I begin preparing myself. I tell myself it's a day about love; and that means loving everyone. I look up in my Bible verses like 1 John 4:18, "We love because He first loved us," and I do really well until it hits me that I'm not going to get the flowers and candlelight shebang that the fairy tale girl in me always dreams of.

But, what I do always get are good 'ole life lessons. It gets really frustrating at times that my life can't be the simple love story that I've always wanted. I try so hard, yet it is never what I've dreamed up, and I'm beginning to understand that I'm not going to get my fairy tale dreams because that isn't the Love Story God has written for me-for right now at least.

So, another Valentine's Day dead and gone... No, I didn't get 100,000,000 long stem roses, but I did get to spend the day with someone who means a lot to me, and I'm thankful for the hamburger helper dinner, Valentine's Day viewing, and cheesecake eating and wine drinking (while watching the East v. West All Star Basketball game). It may not be what I hoped of in my crazy unrealistic head, but it's the beautiful day I was blessed with by my Father whom I LOVE with all my heart.

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

My Life Is Exciting...If I Make it That Way

I've been sitting here reading other people's blogs. They write about fashion; what's hot? what's not? They write about yummy recipes they've been trying and how they're satisfying their hubby's taste buds. They write about books they are delving into, and their lives are being impacted by the words scripted on white pages... My life, well, it's not exciting. I work. I come home. I watch re-runs of Cash Cab and wait for shows like the Bachelor or American Idol to finish so that I can crawl into my twin size bed. So boring; so mundane. But is that really how it is???
I was recently hired as the Community Based Match Specialist at Big Brothers Big Sisters of Jackson County--the job I'd been waiting for. My life is already being touched, and it's only been a month! I made my first match yesterday! Bill and Dalton. Dalton couldn't have been happier to see his Big Brother for the first time! He litearly was beaming with excitement as we sat in his living room signing papers to make everything official. What a blessing it was to be a part of this special moment in Bill and Dalton's life. I cannot wait to see the impact I'll make in the months to come!